La La Land

It's freezing. My house is that of an icebox. So I sit in front of the fire, watching my skin crackle and brown...
Enough of my morbidity. I'm losing real weight, not water weight anymore. There is now way in freaking Hell I'm going to make it two weeks with this fast, I feel like I'm going to faint.
But that means I'm almost there, I guess.
Quicke. :D

Today

I'm going strong today. I haven't eaten at lunch, and missed the Cha Cha Cheeseburger.
I hid in the bathroom with my Ana food journal, listening to my iPod. I've always loved the spelling of that.
Moving on to books, has anyone ever read Nightlight? It's a parody of Twilight, and it's quite hilarious. I was laughing all through American Studies and English.
And now to video games. I don't really play any except Animal Crossing. ^-^ I find it a lot of fun.
Tata for now, lovelies.

Fasting and Emily

So I start my starvation fast with Nina tomorrow. I'm a little nervous, because this is the longest one that I've ever done, it's a week. Maybe even two.
I don't really know how to avoid eating lunch with my friends, especially Emily.
Speaking of Emily... I was at her house the other day, and we were on her laptop. When she was in the bathroom, I looked at her bookmarks, and she had the PrettyThin homepage as one of her bookmarks. Hmm? I asked her about it, and she's like, "Oh yeah, I love that place, don't you?" And then I saw another one: Someplace called The Anorexic Beauty. I looked for it, but haven't been able to find it. Ergh.

Sit, Lauren. Speak, Lauren. Good Girl, here's some water

So, my step dad is talking to me again, and that makes me happy. :D
Family re-united- Check
Burn away this fat- Work in progress.
Eh.
I must give a heaping THANK YOU to Malorie and Insane Jayne, both of whom left me lovely comments on my little blog. :D
And, a FOLLOWER. Again, mucho thanks to Insane Jayne.

http://proana-life.blogspot.com/ - Jayne's blog
http://ewohmyweight.blogspot.com/ -Malorie's blog
Visit them, they are both lovely people.

I stayed under 2oo calories yesterday, so that's good.
This is a random one, sorry. :D

Happy Day

Today... I feel HAAPPYYY! And I don't know why. But all I've eaten today is 2 prunes(28.5) and lots a tea,(0), which is quite yummy. And since my step dad won't be back from his little health convention for a while, it'll just be me and my lovely mother. I'll be posting tomorrow, which made me realize that I didn't post ANY pictures last week.

I was up 2 pounds yesterday, 107, but now I'm back down to 105. I'm hoping that this starvation fast that I'm doing with Nina will bring my down to 100, which is my first goal. Hoping. Or, on the darker side, I could totally fine, like the useless, fat pig I am.

I looked in the mirror today, and more of my ribs are starting to show. Maybe, by the end of this month, they'll show completely? Hope so.

The New Starvation

After a OK Rainbow Diet, Nina and I are going into a starvation fast. 1 week, cold water and Diet Coke. Maybe if we're on a roll... prolong it into 2 weeks?

Today, I am sad. My red Pro-Ana hairband to breaking, and I'll have to find a new one. Wah.

Quickie

After trying so fucking hard, I didn't make the 8th grade volleyball team. But the girl who has never played before DID. I'm so fucking pissed.
I didn't get my homework done the exact second that I got home, so around 7 I got into a fight with my step dad. My mom decided to drag herself into it, which caused him to swear at her (something one should NEVER do), and she marched down the stares after him and 'struck' him. She swore right back at him, and I could hear them fighting all the way in the dining room from the basement. That's not good. He started shouting out all the things that were wrong with this marriage and blahblahblah, and she just HAD to mention my step sister Ashley. This got him all pissed and who-really-gives-a-damn, and it started all over again.

Later: So school is a fail, and I got a lot of homework. My stepdad isn't talking to me, and it kinda hurts. But if he thinks I'm going to make the first move, he can think the hell again.

Today

Today I'm doing the Rainbow Diet with my e-mail friend Nina, props to her for getting me motivated :D. I'm doing well so far, I'm at a solid 105.3 right now, 4 ounces down then where I was last night. I'm supposed to be doing my essay for English. The story I'm writing is about a girl with a father who abuses her mother. In a way, it reminds me of my own family. My dad rules pretty much every detail of our lives, from what we eat to what we wear. And what we say. This is just a quick one, see you all later.

Soild

All this week, I've been hovering around 105.6-8. This is good, it's the lowest I've been since freaking Christmas. I'm about ready to go out to the outlet mall with my mom and dad, and this makes me nervous. They are bound to get hungry, and they are bound to make me eat something. I'm at 570 calories today, after two pieces of peanut butter-honey toast. I really don't want to have to make up lies for them, and I don't want to be force-fed like Wednesday.

Force-Fed Misery

Fine. I was doing just fine until lunch. Then the triangle Emily-Katie-Morgan dragged me to the lunchroom and walked with me into the line, watched me buy my lunch, and almost had to force feed me. I felt awful later.

In the morning, all I had was green tea. Nothing more. The hunger pains I had during math were nothing compared to the future of seeing bones through my skin. And when I stepped on the scale after school, I saw nothing but fluctuating numbers in the 100s. I swear to God, if the numbers don't go down, I'm going to buy a fucking knife and cut everything off.

Pictures

To be honest, I don't feel bad about not putting these up on time.



Thighs... >.<





If you look close, you can see a little bit of ribs!!

Saltwater Flush

Since I realized that I'm going to Annaboo's house tonight, I thought a saltwater flush would be better than a fast. Wrong. This is the worst Saturday EVER. I feel like I'm going to vomit, and I'm nowhere near the porcelain house. And the smell from Ashley's food is driving me insane. I don't know what it is, but oh my freaking god, it smells fantastic.

Ana's Arms

I was alone and confused. I didn't know where to go. Cold and afraid, I wandered into a place I'd never dare to go before. I jumped in and landed in Ana's arms.

Ana was good to me. She gave me a comfort and happiness I'd never felt before. She embraced me tightly - as tight as she could. So tightly, I shrank. I saw numbers dropping down, it made that empty shell feel filled once again.

I fell in love with Ana. She became my obsession - my life. During the day, all I could think about was Ana. During the night all I could dream about was Ana. Everything I listened to and everything I saw. It all surrounded my love, Ana.

To my happiness, Ana accepted my love and loved me back. She made sure she was with me. She stood there, smiling at my achievements - egging me on to them. She was my main advocate. The one I could turn to. With her, I sank deeper and deeper, became more and more obsessed. Hm, I never knew how crafty I could be...

I don't need help. What are you talking about? I'm not too thin! I'm perfectly fine - the happiest I've ever been. I know why you're so "worried" about my "health." It's because you're jealous. You want to be like me, but you don't have the same willpower and restraint as me.

In Ana's arms I feel comfortable. That's where my home is. Under Ana's spell. The desire. The love. The control. It's all thanks to that day I stumbled into her midst.

And you know what?

I love it.

-SickleSnape, quizilla user.

Ana Poem

She sat on the floor,
Her back to the door,
Her head in her hands,
She's Ana's number one fan.
She looked up to see her reflection,
Gazing at all her imperfections,
Tears ran down her face,
She felt like a disgrace.
She looked back to remember,
That first week in september,
When Ana whispered in her ear,
All the words she needed to hear.
Month by month she lost weight,
And she hardly ever ate,
She looked in the mirror to see that,
She was so heavy and utterly fat.
She hated herself and hated her life,
Felt as though nothing were right,
She kept starving herself,
Killing herself.
She just kept losing weight,
Feeling that fatness was her fate,
Ana was her big supporter,
Her body was bones, so contorted.
Her mom finally noticed but it was too late,
The girl had finally beat her fate,
She was beautiful and so very thin,
She let go of what had once been.
She lay on her bed, skin like ice,
Ana had finally claimed her price,
The girl had a brilliant smile on her face,
And with her last breath her fingers en-laced,
She said,
"Ana please hold me,
Hold me closely.
I'm done being alone,
Ana take me home."

-aDrOpOfSuNsHiNe, quizilla user.

This isn't my account. All credit goes to the author.

Good, And Old-Fashioned

Today, it's time for a fast. I'm alone today, which would normally mean BINGEBINGEBINGE, but Mia hasn't given me to key to the porcelain house to get rid of it all. And besides, I'm getting comfy with Ana now, do I really want to throw that all away?

So much for skipping dinner, my mom told me that today, we have having a sit-down, family dinner, yessir-y. NOOO!. Is she TRYING to ruin my life by fattening me up? I'm no pig getting ready for the market, but I feel like one.

And this has to be my favorite pro-ana blog yet: http://acceptingana.blogspot.com/. Go to it!

Teen Vouge

I just sent in my subscription for Teen Vogue. I don't really give a damn about the fashion, I'm in it for the models, baby. Have any of you seen the inside cover of the December/January issue? So beautiful. Creamy skin, high cheekbones, fucking FLAWLESS fave overall. 3590296/10. In 2 days I post some pictures, will ANYBODY freaking comment?

On the plus side of all of this, I've managed to skip dinner for 2 days in a row. WooT! I should be a butterfly on a sunny day for all my hard work for avoiding my parents, but I'm wayy to fat to be there yet. I give some props to my pro-ana e-mail buddy Emma for keeping me going.

I'm eagerly awaiting the next Teen Vogue. What will it have in store for me next?

This Sickness

For the past day, I haven't been feeling quite as well. I don't know what's caused it, stuff is going around. People say that it's the winter flu, but I never count January as "winter". I always think of it as very early spring.

I'm afraid to step on the scale. For three days it's been hurling insults at me from my bathroom at the top of the stairs. Suggestions? There is this book that I just can't put down. It's not a ana book, but it's great. Perfect Chemistry by Simone Elkeles. Isn't Simone a great name? If I ever have a kid (which I probably won't), I'm going to name it Simone.

"Vegan"

So as of New Years, I am a VEGAN! This will make it mucho easier for me to eat anywhere, home, school, family. I'm in this with Emily. Did you know that people will actually KEEP YOU FROM EATING if it's a socially good reason? It makes me wonder what people think of the pro-ana movement. Whatever, they can just fuck off.

Pictures

Results! Sorry if they hurt your eyes, I've been blessed with being fat AND ugly.





Don't look at my face. >.<




Thunder thighs!!




Look at that GUT! It's HUGE!!

Results

As of Monday, I am going vegan. I'm sure that my parents will ask questions, but I have answers for them. I'm really nervous about it, but Ana will watch over me.

Tomorrow I'm posting pictures. I'm really sorry if I burn out anyone's eyes. I think I can edit the Rainbow Diet so that it fits my vegan agenda. I hope this works!